Tips For Planning A Small Wedding Guestlist. Elopement Planning Tips For Intimate, Non-Religious Weddings

Small, intimate weddings might become a new normal in the post-Corona times, but how do you decide who gets an invite and deal with upset family and friends? How to trim off that large, summer wedding guest list without hurting anyone’s feelings? Or perhaps you’re planning an elopement since that big wedding is no longer on the cards, you would still like to do something meaningful on your original date and have a party later?

I wrote a quick guide for you on how to do all that! I photographed weddings anywhere from two people to three hundred, I’ve seen small clifftop ceremonies, 30 guests weddings in Northern Irish venues, massive parties in big castles and helped lots of brides in the planning process.

The Important Ones

The first step of planning a guest list is to divide your guests into 3 groups, immediate, non-immediate and the rest. You are allowed to be picky and a little selfish here. A small wedding might mean only immediate family and friends can attend. It’s important to also understand that inviting your auntie you never speak with over your good friend might be the choice you make here. Ask yourself honestly who is your immediate family and don’t be forced to invite family you have no interest in talking to, just because they are family. Trimming away cousins you’re not speaking with or your friends from school you speak to once a year, or your best man’s new girlfriend, might mean you can get married sooner.

They will see it on Facebook and Instagram, but will hopefully understand. It is what it is, everyone lives in the same reality.

Parents & In-Laws

Might want to contribute to your wedding financially, therefore you might feel cornered when thy ask to invite their friends. You have to remember, you might not feel comfortable to share your vows and romantic moments in front of strangers, therefore setting the boundaries early is essential. An honest conversation with them will help, giving them a few invites to use as they wish might solve the problem too. If you’re rescheduling your wedding and aren’t sure what the numbers will look like you might have to cut out those people too. A good idea is to give them a call and be honest what you’re allowed and not allowed to have guest wise. Chances are they will offer to back out themselves - as I did for my friend’s postponed wedding!

Eloping Together

Take your wedding out of town, or even the country if possible. This will naturally reduce the numbers because of time and financial commitment. You might want to elope just the two of you and skip the big destination party altogether, organise one when you’re back home and big parties are allowed. This will ensure no feelings were hurt and you still celebrated the day in a way.

If travelling isn’t something you consider these days, a small City Hall wedding can be a great option. It can still be as exciting and celebratory as a big wedding!

Children, Plus Ones

Tale as old as time, not inviting children or plus-ones to the wedding to keep the numbers down. I see a few problems with that, first off the couple might have children already and wouldn’t imagine their day without them. Secondly, children are fun at weddings, a joy to photograph and have around. There might be an additional cost to it if you’re hiring entertainment or babysitter for them, but their meals are often simple and cost-effective.

I’d say it all depends on your situation and now many children you have in your closest family. For plus-ones, it’s safe to stick to invites for long term relationships. No plus one on the family photos tho, remember you might end up cutting them out (like my auntie once did!).

Dealing With Hurt Feelings

If you find yourself being talked about amongst the family, try being as gentle as possible and explain you needed to keep the numbers down. Pick up the phone and speak with them directly. It won’t be an easy chat but try explaining it’s nothing personal, the circumstances are not letting you go ahead with the original date and guestlist. Don’t feel pressure to add someone in last minute, they can tell and often feel more hurt. Don’t send an invite counting on them saying no, because they might just RSVP yes.

Be gentle towards yourself too! You deserve a fun, worry-free day with your loved ones and if that means somebody you don’t talk to will think bad about you - well then you know they didn’t have your best interest at heart.

If you’re looking for a wedding photographer for your small wedding in Ireland or abroad - get in touch today.